He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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