You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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