wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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