I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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