Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
