I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
