We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
