No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
