I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
