some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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