If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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