the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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