Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The best revenge is premature balding
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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