a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
