The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
