And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
