none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Buhtt sex?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Randomize
