If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
