Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
That reminds me...we need to get swords
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
