you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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