I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
