i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
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