No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
