it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
