toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
