Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
