Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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