Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
