and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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