Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
