At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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