Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
