Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
