i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
