she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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