hotel room ftw
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize