You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize