just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
