i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think im going to throw up on grandma
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
