Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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