Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
