Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
