so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
