he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
