Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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