and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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