In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
