he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
this will be a night to untag.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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