Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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