I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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