it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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