Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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