i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
