Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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