I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
