I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i believe in u and ur pee
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
