I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Randomize
