He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
