I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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