I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
