why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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