my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
