see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
