I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
