Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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