I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
