how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
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