I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Your cock deserves a montage
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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