too bad you live with your parents still
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
