im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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