Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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