Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
