You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
